Wednesday, November 21, 2007


About once a week, I lay in bed next to my fam and stare at the ceiling. I toss. I fidget. I try to get comfortable. And yet, I can't seem to nod off.

I guess there's a lot going on inside my head after dark. The things I don't get time to think about during the day, like larger financial matters, seem to erupt into a chorus of what if's and scenario processing once my child is safely asleep. Even after a nice and busy shift (in which I seem to be running non-stop) at work, I'm still overly awake.

Eventually, my stomach starts to growl and then I'm really hosed. I can't go to sleep hungry. Several years ago I worked graveyard and trying to convince my body to eat when it thought it was supposed to be asleep must've created a hang-up. A glass of milk and that would've resolved the issue back in the day. Thanks, lactose intolerance. Soymilk just isn't the same.

I know all those things I'm trying to figure out right before nodding off probably don't warrant all the energy it takes to get around them. I worry for worry's sake. House? Condo? Lawyer? Rent? House? Apartment? Beaverton? Vancouver? I'm the money-juggler in our house, which is all fine with me. But sometimes I get a little overwhelmed by the number of balls in the air. Choices have consequences, and so do market down-turns. How much risk do I take?

Honestly, I can't figure everything out on my own, and 2am isn't the time to do the figuring anyway. I'd rather this didn't continue, but I suppose I'll learn to live with it or trick it.

(Sorry for the extreme whine today. Low blood-sugar, as per usual.)

1 comment:

Yarnhog said...

I think that happens to a lot of people. It's like all the worry is just waiting for an opportunity to seize your full attention. I use a funny little trick to combat it. When I'm lying in bed and I start worrying, I picture a wall of lockers. Then I picture the worry, and I mentally roll up each worrisome thing and put it in its own locker, then I close and lock the door. I tell myself it will still be there if I need to take it out and look at it again, but in the meantime it is out of my way and I can safely go to sleep. Works like a charm.